Obsessive Love: 15 Ways to Tell if It’s Real or Just Unhealthy

Not all love is the same and if you can’t tell the difference, it can get you into trouble – especially if you don’t know if it’s just obsessive love.

Do you remember how it feels to be in love for the first time? To be so excited to see someone that you could hardly stand it? Your heart goes frantic, your breathing elevates, and you just can’t get rid of that feeling in your stomach – the butterflies. While you may have thought this was love, it could be something entirely different and unhealthy. It could just be obsessive love.

How many of us really know what love is? The truth is that we could be mistaking love for something that’s more common. An obsessive love and not real love. We think we’re crazy about someone only to find out that we’re really only obsessed with them for a short amount of time.

What is love, really?

Love is a very complicated thing. It can change the way your whole body feels. In fact, it even changes the chemistry in your brain. Being in love is such a powerful feeling that you can start to think much differently.

According to psychology, love is the release of a bunch of different chemicals. Oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine are a few that get released in your brain that makes you feel giddy, energized, and most importantly, in love. [Read: What is real love – 15 ways it sets itself apart]

Is it real love or just obsessive love?

The tricky thing about differentiating these two types of love is that they’re very similar. We feel them on a similar level and it makes it difficult to know if you’re truly in love with someone.

If you get these two mixed up, it can lead to real trouble. You may get married, have a child, or make even bigger mistakes if you’re unsure if it’s true love or just an obsession. For those of you who are new to the love game, these descriptions of real love and obsession love can help you determine what you’re really feeling.

Real Love

#1 It comes on slowly. It’s easy to think that true love hits you really hard and fast but that’s actually not true. Sure, you can feel really into someone and like them a LOT, but that’s not love. Real love needs time to grow and emerge rather than hit you like a ton of bricks.

#2 You feel comfort. Love is comfort. You feel content and at ease with your feelings for them. It’s like a slow-burning emotion rather than an explosion that sets your nerves on edge. You just feel comfortable with them, with your feelings for them, and in your life. [Read: 14 signs you’re getting far too comfortable in your relationship]

#3 It comes easily. Real love doesn’t have to be forced. You don’t have to try to fall in love with someone. It’s just something that happens and it’s not difficult to feel that way. When you fall in love, it’s so easy that you may not even realize you have. It’s like breathing.

#4 Thinking of them makes you smile. When they pop into your mind and you just let out a small smile, that’s real love. Thoughts of them just make you happy and feel good. When you’re just going about your day and their name or face happens across your mind and you just feel good about it, that’s real love. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]

#5 Their happiness is more important than your own. When you’re truly in love with someone, their happiness comes first. Yes, you still have to worry about your own happiness, but it’s actually tied to theirs. When you feel happy about them being happy, it’s real love.

#6 You want to work out your issues. Love doesn’t come without problems. We all have arguments – even in the healthiest of relationships. The point is that when you do have these fights, you want to fix them and resolve the issue. You don’t shove it down and ignore it or pretend that it doesn’t exist. [Read: 10 big problems in a relationship and how to fix them]

#7 You recognize their flaws and still feel the same. You know they have flaws. You see the issues in their life, but if you’re truly in love, they don’t matter to you. In fact, those flaws can even make you love them more. You don’t change how you feel when you see them at their worst.

Obsessive Love

#1 It’s fast. If you feel as though you’re in love right when you first meet them. It’s not real love. It’s more likely an obsession love that formed really fast and hard. It can often be the “love at first sight” feeling. But it’s not real love.

#2 You can’t pinpoint a reason for your “love.” When someone asks you why you love them and you can’t even think of a reason, that’s a problem. You just feel the emotions of love so much, but you don’t even know why you love them. That’s a sign it’s obsessive love and not real love.

#3 Thinking of them brings on anxious feelings. When you think about them, how do you feel? Are you anxious? Does your heart rate pick up and you feel the need to talk to them? Do you start breathing heavier? This isn’t a feeling of love, but a feeling of obsession. They are not good feelings. [Read: How to stop thinking about someone you like]

#4 You feel as though you can’t live without them. Picture your life without them. How does it feel? Are you feeling like you need them to survive, like they’re your oxygen? If so, I’m afraid to say that this sounds more like an obsessive love and not real love.

#5 You don’t see any flaws in them. Do they have any faults? When you have an obsessive love, you just can’t possibly imagine that there’s anything wrong with them. You may notice that they have a “fault” but to you, it’s not at all and you defend it as a positive trait. This is more than likely an obsessive love than a real love if that’s the case. [Read: Lust vs. Love – 10 signs you’re feeling lust and not love]

#6 You go crazy if you’re not talking to them in that moment. I know everyone wants to talk to the person they love, but only to a certain degree. If you can’t go a few hours without checking in or talking to them, it may be a sign of an unhealthy obsessive love. If you feel a deep need to always be talking to them or being around them, it’s not real love.

#7 You’re jealous of everything and anything that they love. This can be a person or even an inanimate object. If you find yourself wishing you could get rid of everything in their life that they love except you, it’s an obsessive love. This behavior is really unhealthy and is not real love at all. [Read: How to combat jealousy in a relationship]

#8 You change your behavior to accommodate their interests. If you completely change your life around to fit the things they like, it’s not real love. It’s perfectly normal to want to try and get into something they enjoy just so you understand it more, but when you’re dropping your own hobbies to pick up their and that’s it, it’s obsessive love.

[Read: Critical signs of an unhealthy relationship you MUST get out of]

Love should be exciting, rewarding, and really fun. But if you have an obsessive love, it can be anxiety ridden and hard to deal with – not to mention really unhealthy. Know where your emotions fall.

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