Friend Crush: Should You Worry About It or Is It Totally Harmless?

You’ve suddenly developed a friend crush. What does this mean? Are you attracted to them? Don’t panic! It’s simply a case of admiration gone awry.

We’ve all had someone come into our lives who takes our breath away. This isn’t necessarily romantic, more like a friend crush, but it can be someone you see, admire, and wish you could be more like.

At the time, the feeling can be overwhelming. You might want to spend all your time with this person and subconsciously try to be more like them. If you’re friends already, you’ll probably want to be their bestie.

Don’t panic, you’re not going crazy. It doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly developed a romantic or sexual attraction. You simply have a friend crush. [Read: What it means when you have a platonic crush]

What is a friend crush?

A friend crush isn’t something with any romantic or sexual connotation, it’s purely platonic. It’s actually very sweet. You meet someone out of the blue, or it’s someone you’ve known for a while, but you’ve suddenly started spending more time with them.

You see something in them which you really admire. Or you could see something in them which you wish you had. This can be a physical trait, such as really great hair or effortless style, or it can be personality trait, like a fantastic sense of humor or an ability to be able to talk to anyone no matter the situation.

A friend crush means nothing adverse, but what it does mean is that you should do a little soul searching into why you find this person so alluring on a platonic basis, and try and figure out what you think you’re lacking. The fact is you’re lacking nothing, but perhaps you simply think you are.

Confused? Let me give you a personal example. [Read: Questions to ask your BFF to help you bond]

An example of how a friend crush can look

I consider myself to be a normal kind of girl. A friendly, happy go lucky, nice girl. I don’t have any particular hang ups, although I was shy as a child, but nothing other than that. This particular day, a friend of mine asked if she could bring her new work colleague to our pre-arranged drinks that evening. I said okay, I had no problems with it. When I met this work colleague of my friend, I was blown away.

For no other reason than I simply wanted to be her, I quickly developed a new friend crush.

Seriously, at my age.

There was something about this girl that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. She seemed able to disarm everyone she came into contact, be it with a quick witted remark or a smile. She was a people person. Someone so unbelievably at ease in any social situation. That struck deep with me, probably because of my childhood shyness. I wished for such natural social ease.

I could have hated her. She was the most people person in the room the moment she walked into it. I could have been jealous, but I wasn’t. Instead, I befriended her because I liked her. She became a regular at our catch up drinks from that point on, until she moved back to Australia a few months later.

My friend crush was blown the moment she left, but I am glad that I met her. She taught me that it doesn’t matter if you’re feeling a little shy or not so confident, you can easily fake it and simply not care what anyone else thinks of you.

As you can see, friend crushes come into our lives to teach us something even the smallest thing in the world. [Read: Why it’s important for every girl to have a straight girl crush]

Learning from your friend crush

Now, I should point out that I don’t advocate attempting to become someone else. Be happy with who you are and love yourself for the wonderful being that you are. However, when you develop a friend crush because of a trait that the other person shows, it usually means that you feel you’re lacking something.

You might find that your friend crush fizzles out just as quickly as it began, or it might be an ongoing thing. However long it lasts, see it as an opportunity to learn. [Read: How to learn all of yourself–even the parts you hate]

What is causing your friend crush?

Are you crushing because of a visual reason or a personality-based reason? Do you think you’re lacking in that department? Or, you’re seeing something that you wish you had too? If you wish you had it, why?

This might sound a little deep and meaningful, but it’s a really good learning exercise to be had here. We all admire things about other people, such as Beyonce’s hair, or J-Lo’s butt, but we stop short of developing a full blown crush on these people because we realize that they’re just physical attributes of someone that we admire. Incidentally, I have a full blown girl crush on Beyonce, simply because she is amazing, but that’s by the by!

What I’m trying to explain is that developing a friend crush because of one single physical attribute, e.g. hair, body shape, eye color, isn’t likely to last for long. The novelty will wear off. On the other hand, a friend crush based on a personality trait is likely to last longer. You see something in that person that you wish you had, something you really admire.

Remember, we’re all different, and you’re no less valuable or admirable than they are. How do you know they’re not friend crushing on you? You don’t! You could have a number of people who developed friend crushes on you, and you have no clue! That’s a thought to keep with you. [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]

Stay true to yourself

You don’t have to copy someone else’s sense of humor, because you have your own. Don’t copy the way someone speaks, because you speak in your own way. You don’t have to try and copy the knowledge of someone else, because you have topics that you’re very knowledgeable on.

It’s fine to have a friend crush, it’s part and parcel of normal life, but it’s not normal to try and change elements of yourself to morph into that person. Firstly, your friend crush will notice and find it a little creepy, and secondly, it’s very detrimental to your own self confidence if you feel that you’re not enough as you are. Of course you are enough!

You’re a lion or a lioness and you should feel that every single day of your life! Sure, admire someone else, but admiration should stop at the line before emulation.

Before my friend crush moved back to Australia, we had a deep conversation. I really thought she had it all figured out, she seemed effortless in any situation. She confided in me that she suffered with anxiety, and she used bluster and fake confidence to overcome it. That struck deep with me, and taught me a lot.

As you can see, everyone has their own life with their own stuff going on, and while you can admire someone for a trait, be it visual or personality, focus on being yourself and dealing with your own stuff.

[Read: 32 crazy fun things to do with your friends]

Superficially, a friend crush is the ultimate compliment in so many ways. Tell them what you love about them, but hold back on the emotion, otherwise you run the risk of crossing the line from admiration to downright weird!

The post Friend Crush: Should You Worry About It or Is It Totally Harmless? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

When You Ask Her Out (But Don’t Actually Ask)

Dear Seeker of Success,

It’s an oft-told story…

Boy meets Girl in an “everyday” setting.

Girl smiles and giggles oh-so-cute and Boy sees the door open and beckoning.

Boy strikes up a little convo.

Girl’s answer to his innocent-yet-obviously-leading question (the one where he asks her out without actually f@@king ASKING) leaves him stumped even though it’s plain-as-daylight stuff.

Let’s hear from a student who felt like he just got “traded down to the minors” off such a seemingly innocent response:

The other day, I went to a local clothing store because I needed to pick up a couple things.  I was greeted by a cute, bubbly sales associate.  I said hi and bought a belt and a few other things (I was there for that in the first place).  I commented on her style, then I left.  But – as if opportunity was raining down from heaven, I had forgotten my cell phone, so I went back and said I lost it!

She asked for my number so we could call it and hear it ring.  Lo and behold, it fell off while I was trying on the belt and landed under a rack with fall jackets on it.  Heard it ring and picked it up.  Then I asked where she lived, and her name, and if she had plans for the evening.  She said she was going to relax at her place.

I didn’t know what to say, so I left (with her phone number, and her name). She seemed interested in me, and I was wondering what I could do to get in contact with her, and get her to meet me. Can you help me?

Let me start with the Captain Obvious answer: call her and and f@@king ask her out.

(NOTE: You should have f@@king asked her out then and there, but that ship has sailed, so work with what you’ve got now.)

Anyway…

Don’t try to figure out if she really seemed interested… or just being all cute and flirty to loosen up your wallet by tightening up your Johnson (something that, uh, RARELY happens in the real world and is, uh, NEVER done on purpose).

Besides, your memory of actual events is probably distorted by now over hot you think she is…

….and how hot you wish, hope, and pray she was hot FOR YOU.

But think about what you’re asking her (or the next woman, when you go back for cuff links):

You asked where she lived (which DOESN’T MATTER until you go back to her place for some EEE-RRR-EEE-RRR), her name (was she wearing a nametag, as a sales associate in a retail store?), and what she was doing tonight (other than breathing and eventually sleeping?)

Were THESE the questions she was being called upon to answer while sidelined from making money so she can pay her rent?

What did her responses tell you about her “vibe” and what inspires her, so you could use it to anchor her emotions and get her excited and irresistibly aroused at-will?

Think about it.

Peace,

RJ

P.S. Sick and tired of letting opportunities with sexy, beautiful women pass right by while you sit there virtually paralyzed not knowing exactly what to do or say to close the deal with them?

The solutions to such quandries can be found right here:

• Language & Communication Course
• Technical Manual

And since, so far, 93% of you have stepped up and claimed BOTH courses, here’s a shortcut to the payment options for the combined bundle:

• Get BOTH TOGETHER and gain a discount

 

 

How to Feel Better after a Breakup: 15 Steps to Find Your Happiness

You just broke up with your partner and it still hurts. But learning how to feel better after a breakup is possible and there are ways to get there.

I know it doesn’t seem possible right now, but you can learn how to feel better after a breakup with a bit of effort. Breakups suck. Even when you’re the one who does the breaking up, it always stings. Okay, unless you had a nightmare of a partner, then it’s more of a relief.

But since you’re here, that’s probably not the case. If your partner was someone you loved, then ending the relationship is difficult. You shared a part of your life with them and were probably thinking about the future. So, when a breakup happens, a permanent breakup, it’s hard to handle.

When I broke up with my partner of four years, I was thinking, what’s my life going to be like without him? I had a hard time imagining not speaking to him or being with him in a romantic sense.

[Read: How to get over a bad breakup and strt feeling good again]

How to feel better after a breakup

Time has a way of healing you. I know it’s a little cliché to say, but time really does help. Right now, you’re probably not thinking that, and I completely understand. But you should know that it’s going to get better. Not right away—sorry, but I want to be honest with you.

The next couple of weeks, even months, are going to be really hard. There’s no doubt about that. Though you can help yourself through this experience by doing a few things to make the situation better. If you want to move past this breakup and get the most out of it, follow these tips.

Yes, it’s over, but you have a life ahead of you. And it is possible to learn how to feel better after a breakup.

#1 Feel horrible. Yes! Feel sad, feel torn, feel grief. You’re a human being, you’re emotional whether you want to accept it or not. When you’re going through a breakup, you’re basically grieving over the loss of your partner. And that’s perfectly normal, even healthy.

Don’t rush this part. If you’re feeling sad then let yourself go through the emotion. If you suppress it, it’ll pop up in some other area of your life. [Read: How to emotionally detach when you don’t have any other choice]

#2 Cut them from social media. Ah yes, I know you’re not going to do this, at least not right away. But trust me, you have to. You need to cut the cord, if not, you’ll end up doing what I did and stalk them for weeks on end. It’s not healthy, and it prolongs you from moving on. Whatever social media platform you’re following them on, delete or block them.

#3 Don’t talk to them. So, let’s say you deleted them from social media *please say you did*, but they can still contact you. And though it may be tempting, refrain from speaking to them. If they start calling or writing to you, unless you want them back, tell them to stop contacting you. I know you think maybe you can be friends, but you can’t, not right now. [Read: Should I talk to my ex? 30 revealing questions to give you your answer]

#4 Make your life ex-free. You know the saying, out of sight, out of mind. Well, it’s a cliché, but it’s true. Whatever you have floating around your bedroom from your ex, put it away. No, you don’t need to burn everything in a tribal fire. Just put it away. Then, later on, you’ll be able to look at those things with a different perspective.

#5 Don’t stay friends. You may suggest staying friends but don’t. If you’ve made it this far by deleting and refraining from speaking to them, then don’t play the friend card. You can’t be friends right now. You need at least a couple of months away from them to fully grieve and move on. If you try to be friends with them, it’ll only prolong the process.

#6 Watch what you say about your ex. I’m not going to say you can’t talk shit about your ex, because you can, and you probably will. It’s going to feel good to let everything out, but at some point, you’ll need to stop. Why? Because not only does it prevent you from moving on, it’s also annoying for other people to listen to.

#7 Go out with friends. I cannot stress this enough if you want to know how to feel better after a breakup. After a breakup, surround yourself with your people. Spend time going out with your closest friends. No, you don’t need to hit the club every night, but spend time with your support group. Go to the movies, shopping, out for a run, whatever.  [Read: 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through each of them]

#8 Cry when you want to. If you’re feeling a sudden surge of sadness, it’s okay to cry. There will be days where everything feels amazing, and you’re doing great. Then there will be days where you’re feeling lonely and upset about the decision you made. The emotions you’ll feel after a breakup will be like riding a rollercoaster. It’ll go up and down until you start to feel normal again. Don’t suppress these feelings, instead, ride with them.

#9 No drunk texts. If you’re planning on drinking this weekend, make sure you keep your phone far away from you. Give your friends your phone or use a special anti-drunk texting app.

Because what happens when you drink, and you’re going through a breakup? You text your ex. If you want your post-breakup period to be a smooth transition, don’t send drunk texts. [Read: How to avoid the awkward drama of drunk texts]

#10 Stay away from where they hang out. You may get a call from their friend inviting you to a party. Don’t go. I made this mistake once, I ended up completely drunk, puking out of a window while crying. It’s not a good look, trust me. You’re going to really suffer if you go to any event where you know they’ll be.

#11 Eat right and exercise. I know this sounds like a drag, but if you want to know how to feel better after a breakup, nourish your body and soul. Yes, you can cheat here and there, but you need to feed your body with the right things. It’ll make you feel good and keep you healthy.

It’s easy to gain and lose weight when going through a breakup because your body is under tremendous stress. [Read: 15 very effective rules to forget someone you once cared about]

#12 Write everything down. When your friends can’t stand listening to another word you have to say about your ex, write it down. Get everything out on paper. How they made you feel, what you did, etc. Then a couple of days later, take a look at what you wrote. It’ll make it easier to look at the breakup from a different perspective.

#13 Try new things. If you wanted to take salsa classes, but your partner never wanted to go with you, well, now is your chance to do something you always wanted to do. Start new things and meet new people. The only way to make yourself feel better is if you start doing things for you, and not for your ex. [Read: How to be happy being single and explore the freedom of singledom]

#14 Don’t blame yourself. Listen, you probably made mistakes in the relationship, but so did your partner. You’re not the only one in a relationship; it takes two. So, be easy on yourself during this period. Blaming yourself will only keep you thinking about the breakup. It’s time to accept what happened and move on. [Read: How to make it easier to let go of your ex]

#15 Take new relationships nice and easy. If you’re starting to date again, take things nice and slow. You want the next relationship you enter to be one full of respect, happiness, and love. This isn’t going to be something you get overnight. Many of us jump from relationship to relationship because we’re scared to be alone. You won’t be alone. Take some time to heal.

[Read: 13 essentials you need to move on from heartbreak]

Breaking up with someone is hard but getting over a breakup can be even harder. If you follow these steps for how to feel better after a breakup, you’ll be on the road to being a wiser and better person.

The post How to Feel Better after a Breakup: 15 Steps to Find Your Happiness is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Dating And The Conscious Mind: Why Do Women Have “Weird” Reactions?

Dear Seeker of Success,

For many guys, the conscious mind is the primary focus of “dating”.

See, many of those “weird” reactions women have to men have to do with her mind being somewhere else.

Listen to this clip torn right out of the Speed Seduction® Technical Manual:

Peace,

RJ

P.S. In fact, this clip was plucked right out from the middle of a follow-the-steps, paint-by-numbers exercise, just one of many you’ll find in these two advanced language and communication learning tools.

P.P.S. This is only available for a strictly limited time, so here are the links:

• Language & Communication Course
• Technical Manual

And since, so far, 93% of you have stepped up and claimed BOTH courses, here’s a shortcut to the payment options for the combined bundle:

• Get BOTH TOGETHER and gain a discount

Casual Dating vs Serious Dating: What’s Your Dating Speed for Now?

We live in a world with various dating options. Two of the most common are casual dating vs serious dating. But both have their ups and downs.

Casual dating vs serious dating, where do you land? It’s important to enter the dating world with an idea of what you’re looking for.

Not everyone feels ready for a serious relationship. Provided you’re open and honest about it with the person you’re seeing, there is no harm in enjoying casual dating. If you’re seeing someone who clearly wants a relationship, keeping things light and casual isn’t going to work.

The only way to navigate these choppy dating waters is by having an adult conversation. Yes, you need to have the ‘where is this going?’ talk. Terrifying indeed. [Read: 10 definite signs you need to have the relationship talk]

Honest communication matters

The problem is, most people try to avoid this conversation completely. It adds pressure, makes things awkward, and figuring out the right time to have it can be difficult. You don’t want to bring it up too soon, but the fact is that most of us say what we think the other person wants to hear when we start seeing someone, out of fear of coming on too strong.

Relationships of all types are complicated. But if you’re open and honest from the start, everything becomes much easier because both parties know where you stand.

Casual dating vs serious dating – What it really is

To know which type of dating scenario you want, ask yourself these questions:

– Do I want to be with just one person?

– Do I want to work towards a settled future with someone right now?

That’s it, literally two questions. If you can’t say that you want to be with only one person, then you’re not ready for a serious relationship. In that case, go casual. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as you’re honest!

[Read: Am I ready for a relationship? The questions to ask yourself]

If you like the idea of being with just one person and crave the love and attention of building a future, serious is the route for you.

When you first start seeing someone, the lines are blurred. It can be hard to figure out where you are on the relationship scale. Is it even a relationship? Some people don’t want to add the ‘R’ label!

The thing is, we all have relationships of different types, including friendships. You can be a friend with benefits and still have a relationship. A relationship isn’t necessarily all hearts and flowers with endless declared love.

The lines between casual and serious can become blurred, so let’s explore what each really looks like.

What is casual dating?

Casual dating is when you see someone, but there is no commitment per se. You may be seeing more than one person, and provided you’re on the same page about it, there’s no issue. The issues arise when one person thinks they’re dating casually and fine to see other people, and the other person thinks they’re exclusive. This results in very difficult times and an upset partner.

Casual dating doesn’t have a commitment, and it’s not serious. This doesn’t mean that it can’t progress to serious in the future. But for now, there is no talk of the future. Casual dating is firmly in the here and now only. [Read: 15 reasons why casual dating can be the best thing you need right now]

How often two people who are in the casual dating scene see each other is totally personal. Some can see each other once per week, while others are talking on the phone all the time and seeing each other three or even four times. There is no hard and fast rule. The theme is that there is no expectation or commitment. Put simply, casual dating is meant to be totally chilled out.

The problem with casual dating is the non-monogamy side when it comes to sex. If you are seeing more than one person and you are sexually active with both, then you must make sure that you are careful and protected. [Read: How to casually date without getting attached]

What is serious dating?

On the other hand, serious dating can be described as being in a monogamous relationship with someone whom you see on a very regular basis. There is an expectation that your union will either remain close for a long time to come, or if you both want it, you may move towards marriage or children.

People can be in serious relationships for years and years and never get married. It really comes down to what both parties want. It’s certainly far more on the cards than with a casual dating situation! [Read: 19 signs you’re totally ready for a serious relationship]

Many people love the comfort and security of being in a serious relationship, while others erupt into a cold sweat at the thought of it. Feeling trapped isn’t something you should experience when you’re in a serious relationship. If you do have that feeling, this isn’t the right situation for you.

The major difference between casual dating and serious dating is that serious dating is between two people only. There is no third party involved, and any episode of being with another person is classed as cheating. [Read: 15 signs that tell you that you are at the exclusive stage]

Casual dating vs serious dating in today’s world

The rise of social media and dating apps has meant that the debate between casual dating vs serious dating has become more intense. Apps such as Tinder make it very easy for those who are seeking a casual hook up to achieve their aim, but many do not make their intentions clear.

There are equally as many people searching for a serious relationship who use these apps, and by interacting with someone who is basically only after a good time and isn’t honest about their future intentions, heartache is on the horizon.

On the plus side, these platforms make it far easier to meet like-minded people with similar interests. We no longer have to go out on a Saturday night and pluck up the courage to speak to someone at the bar. A situation which strikes fear into the hearts of many!

Now we can sit at home in our pajamas and meet all manner of different people. If you take away the possible downsides of that situation, then you have to admit that technology has turned the dating world on its head! [Read: The pros and cons of using dating apps to snag a date]

Which do you prefer? Are you a serious dating fan, or do you prefer the free and easy feel of casual dating? It’s important not to put a label on either in terms of which is best. We all need different things at different times in our lives. Perhaps you’ve come out of a long-term relationship and you’re really not feeling the love for another, but you want the comfort and fun of a casual fling. In that case, as long as the other person feels the same, go for it!

Equally, maybe you’ve had a few casual dating endeavors and you’re tired of the lack of true connection. In that case, maybe you’re ready for something more meaningful and special. A serious relationship could give you the security and companionship that you’re craving.

Of course, there is a third option, staying single. There is nothing wrong with simply doing you. If you want time to enjoy your life, to avoid having to please someone else, or arrange dates around everything else you have planned, why should you even have to? It’s perfectly fine and totally acceptable to enjoy time alone and focus on yourself. It’s to be recommended from time to time!

[Read: 10 unfair but relevant dating rules we all have to live by]

Casual dating vs serious dating doesn’t produce a clear winner. It really depends upon the situation you’re in and the way you feel. Both will teach you important life lessons. Embrace them both in the right times!

The post Casual Dating vs Serious Dating: What’s Your Dating Speed for Now? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Sex-Positive Movement: What It Is & What We Wrongly Assume About It

You may have heard about the sex-positive movement, but do you really know what it’s about? If you don’t, you’re about to find out what it actually is.

When it comes to defining terms, it can always be a bit tricky. Everyone has their own definition of what sex positivity or what the sex-positive movement is.

Some people think it’s about the right to safe sex, while others think it’s about accepting one’s sexual behavior. Though these aren’t wrong, it’s time to get the actual definition of what it means. Sex positivity is the belief of consensual sexual expression in a safe and healthy environment. In addition, it also advocates exploring gender norms, self-care, body positivity, and sex education.

In other words, it’s about creating healthy relationships with ourselves and the people we have sex with. Like a ripple effect, it changes the way we all look at sex. [Read: How to fall in love with the sexy side of you]

10 things the sex-positive movement is not

You may be thinking to yourself, the way we look at sex? What? Is there a wrong way? Now, I don’t want to point fingers at people and tell them what they’re doing is wrong. This isn’t what the sex-positive movement is about. Rather, it’s about removing sexual stigma and shame around sex and sexual behavior.

Basically, you’re not a slut for having sex with a guy you met at a party. You’re not a whore for kissing someone you met on a first date. It’s about supporting each other’s sexual decisions if they’re done consensually and in a safe space. That doesn’t sound too bad right? Exactly.

But it’s easy to get things mixed up, so I’m going to be telling you some of the sex-positive misconceptions. It’s time to know the facts about the sex-positive movement.

#1 Having no boundaries. Many people assume that to be sex-positive, they cannot have any personal boundaries. Rather, they need to be open and enjoy every aspect of sex. Well, that’s just wrong. There are some things you’re not going to sexually enjoy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be sex-positive. Knowing your boundaries and communicating them is basically the most sex-positive thing you can do. [Read: How to set boundaries in dating]

#2 Enjoying sex. I wish it was that easy. If sex-positivity was only about enjoying sex, well, then this would be a slice of cake. But it’s more complicated.

Being sex positive doesn’t mean you enjoy sex. You can support the belief of consensual and safe sex without actually engaging in it yourself. We’re all different, some of us enjoy sex, some of us don’t, and that’s okay. [Read: How to be sexy as ever and own your own unique type of sexual attractiveness]

#3 Treating others like sex objects. Many people use the excuse, “I’m just being sexually expressive,” when using crass and graphic comments to other women and men. But they’re not sex-positive, they’re disrespectful and rude. Being truly sex-positive isn’t about treating other people like pieces of meat, it’s about accepting their sexual choices.

#4 You’re allowed to have sex. There are many people who feel they’re entitled to have sex, someone owes them sex. This is a huge problem in society right now and we can see it in the #metoo movement. It’s easy to use sex-positivity as a manipulative way to get someone to have sex with you.

But no one owes you sex, and you don’t owe anyone sex. It’s as simple as that. If you want to have sex with someone and they want to have sex with you, great. But sex-positivity isn’t assuming sex is like a buffet.

#5 Wanting to have sex all the time. Many people assume being sex-positive is about being able to have sex all the time and with everyone. But that’s not what it’s about. There’s this assumption that being sex-positive is about being as sexually open and available as possible. If someone comes to you, pushing for sex and uses the old, “but I thought you were sex-positive,” run far away from them.

#6 Talking about your sex stories to others. People assume sex-positivity is about open and free-love type sex, even when it comes to talking about sex. But, as you now know, it isn’t. Yes, you can talk about your sexual experiences, but today, we’re talking about it as if it’s nothing special.

Though you don’t realize it, you share an intimate experience with someone. You don’t know if they want the story to be told, nor do you know if your friends actually want to hear about these stories. Sex-positivity is about respect on all sides. [Read: 15 true, not-so-sexy stories about losing virginity]

#7 Some people are better at sex than others. When people are dipping their toes into sex-positivity, they need to battle against cultural norms of what’s sexually acceptable. Some people enjoy BDSM, some people have a foot fetish, while others are polyamorous. None of these sexual preferences are bad or taboo.

It’s simply some people enjoy other types of sexual acts. Sex-positivity isn’t about creating a hierarchy of which people are better than others at sex. It’s about accepting everyone’s sexual preferences.

#8 Assuming everyone loves to have sex. When you hear a person say, “sex isn’t a big deal for me,” you usually gasp in horror and disbelief. We love to assume that everyone enjoys having sex. But sex positivity isn’t about liking sex. There are many people who don’t enjoy having sex due to their own personal reasons.

#9 Pushing power dynamics to the side. It’s easy to speak in an oppressive and degrading manner when talking about sex. However, critiquing sexual acts isn’t sex-positive, in fact, it’s the complete opposite.

Sex positivity is about understanding and examining power dynamics during sex, even consensual ones. For example, when a college professor sleeps with their student, there’s a clear misuse of power dynamic going on. Sex-positivity aims to analyze these issues critically. [Read: Are you feeling trapped in your relationship?]

#10 Treating sex casually. Sex positivity gets a bad wrap as being thought of as some “hippie” notion of free love and sex. But that would be too simple. Sex is complex. There’s no way around it.

Sex isn’t always fun, and it’s not always a good time. It can also be traumatizing and painful. Sex positivity isn’t about ignoring those sexual experiences, it’s about working towards creating a safer environment for sexual expression.

[Read: How to embrace sex-positive feminism]

If you’re still not comfortable with the idea of the sex-positivity movement, that’s okay. Hopefully, with time, you come to understand what it is and how you can live a sex-positive life.

The post Sex-Positive Movement: What It Is & What We Wrongly Assume About It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How to Get Really Wet Fast by Yourself: A Dry Girl’s Wet Guide

Knowing how to get really wet fast by yourself isn’t easy as it sounds. Whether it’s vaginal dryness or you’re not in the mood, there are ways to get wet.

Everyone thinks the vagina can get wet with just the snap of a finger—which is entirely wrong. I mean, yes, some women can get wet quickly, but there are many women who suffer from vaginal dryness or a low sex drive. Understanding how to get really wet fast by yourself is essential knowledge for most women.

The vagina is not a continuous waterfall. It has its limits. When I’m hanging out in bed with my partner, even though he’s making all the right moves, sometimes I’m not getting as wet as I could be. Sometimes, I’m not in the mood. Other times I have no idea what’s going on down there.

How to get really wet fast by yourself

And when it comes to the vagina, if you want to have comfortable and enjoyable sex, then you’re going to need to make sure it’s wet.

Vaginal lubrication occurs naturally when blood flows towards the genitals when aroused. Now, there are times when you’re not aroused and becoming wet will be a challenge. [Read: You can avoid these sexual problems in a relationship]

There are also times when you are aroused, and nothing is happening down there. This can be caused by low estrogen levels, medication, irritants, lack of foreplay, and stress. The vagina isn’t simple as we thought.

So, if you’re wanting to get wet fast, there are a couple of ways to help you learn how to get really wet fast by yourself. You don’t always need a partner to get wet.

#1 Get your head straight. If you want to get wet fast, understand your vagina is connected to your head. If you’re stressed at work or going through exam season, you’re under stress which can affect your vagina’s wetness. Forget about the things going on in your life and focus on the moment at hand. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex]

#2 Watch something naughty. Do you have a favorite porn clip or sex scene from a movie? If you want to get wet fast, watch something sexually arousing. This puts your head in the right space. So, think about the material you’ve used in the past that turned you on. Whatever gets the juices flowing down there is what you need to use. 

#3 Start from your head and work your way down. Find a private space for you to relax in. If it’s your bedroom, make sure you lock your door! While laying down, focus on your head, feeling the tingles going down your body. Think about your erogenous zones, imagining what it would feel like if your partner was touching them. [Read: 14 sexy self-pleasure tips to help you masturbate]

#4 Get handsy. Oh yes, it’s time. You’re in the right head space, you watched something naughty, and now it’s time to get your hands involved. If you want to get wet fast, masturbate! Use your hands to stimulate your clitoris and with the other hand, grab, slap, and rub your erogenous zones. [Read: 14 ways to touch yourself and get really wet]

#5 Use toys. If masturbation isn’t working for you, why not use some sex toys? I mean, why not use the right tools for the job. If you want to get turned on quickly, whether you’re with your partner or solo, sex toys can be a great way to get things started. Spend a couple of minutes using a vibrator or dildo, and you’ll be ready to go.

#6 Pull out the lube. If you’re not interested in spending the time making yourself wet naturally, well, then there’s always lube. It’s certainly the fastest way to get things wet. With a couple of pumps of lube on your fingers, you’ll get things ready to go in a matter of seconds. If you’ve suffered from vaginal dryness, lube will be your best friend. [Read: 15 best lubricants for sex you can find in your kitchen cupboard]

#7 Get your partner involved. Sometimes, all you need is a helping hand. Foreplay is a crucial part of sex and often overlooked. But if you want to get wet quickly, it’s time your partner started to touch you in the right places. Whether it’s kissing, rubbing, spanking, caressing, or biting, foreplay will help you naturally get wet.

#8 Have regular sex. Who would have thought this is a way to get wet? If you want to get wet, you should focus on regular sex. During sex, deep penetration massages around the cervix which stimulates the lubrication glands. With regular sex, you keep the lubrication glands in tip-top shape.

#9 Use Kegels. Though it will take some time in the beginning, it’s well worth the long-term benefits. Kegels are an amazing way to stimulate your lubrication glands. By practicing Kegel exercises at least ten minutes a day, you’ll strengthen your pelvic floor which provides you with stronger orgasms as well. It’s a real win-win. [Read: Why both men and women should do Kegels]

#10 Stay hydrated. If you want to get wet fast, stay hydrated. We all know the other benefits of drinking water, but, you probably didn’t know how much it affects the vagina. Hydration reduces vaginal dryness and keeps the natural juices flowing. Drink plenty of water two to three hours prior to sex if you can.   

#11 Relax. It’s easy to get consumed with achieving this goal. In turn, it can backfire and prevent you from becoming wet. When in doubt, take a deep breath and relax. It’s important you don’t push yourself too hard or else it won’t work as planned. [Read: Mantras to help you focus and relax]

#12 Do you suffer from chronic dryness? If you’re trying to get wet fast, but you’re struggling with getting wet in general, focus on your vaginal dryness. Finding the root cause will help you fix the issue and naturally lubricate your vagina. From there, work on becoming wet quickly.

[Read: The 15 sexy benefits of solo masturbation]

If you need to know how to get really wet fast by yourself, time to get your head in the game. Use these tips to help you out.

The post How to Get Really Wet Fast by Yourself: A Dry Girl’s Wet Guide is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.